I want to be a Marketer?
Recently, I graduated from college. Before you flood me with golf claps, let me inform you that I have been in and out of higher education for over 16 years. Matter-of-fact the above picture is my graduation announcement - to emphasize my point. Anywhoo, my sad desperation to make up lost time has become palpable. Nay, it has become an absolute driving force in my life. Maybe it is an early mid-life crisis, I may never know. Maybe the fact the schooling is free - nah, that can not be it. Regardless of why, I have started my MBA. This has lead me to attend a marketing class, the first in my long, illustrious student career.
Surprisingly, I enjoyed it and learned a lot. One thing the professor emphasized was the cost of a marketing campaign. I built my theoretical one around The Lunch Game, the best Facebook application ever. As far as I was concerned this innovation, handed down to my friends by the grace of Zeus himself, could be pimped successfully with whatever I could dig out of my car seats. But alas, my arm was twisted behind my back to force me to spend hundreds of thousands of hard-earned yet simulated cash.
So I can relate when I see the Pepsi logo redesign madness - and the cost. But let me assure you that rolling out a new branding for a huge corporation is nothing to be taken lightly - so if the logo is a worthwhile expression of the corporate identity then…
Wait…that’s it? Jeezus. Hundreds of millions of dollars for that? Holy crap. Maybe the entire campaign will make sense if you see the marketing video presentation:
Find more videos like this on AdGabber
Or maybe not. Apparently, the economy is going to hell in a handbasket but bloated, overkill marketing screwjobs are still alive and well.
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Speaking of economical hell, I can not express strongly enough how surreal it is reading business rags in this day and age. It’s a lot like reading christian magazines if the apocalypse was dragging out for months and months. I imagine article titles would include “Why That Handjob in the Back of your Dad’s Pontiac in ‘87 is Coming Back to Haunt You” and “Pitchfork Proof and Loving It - The Fourteen Homeless that Knew”. I came across yet another article about how General Mills is saving bundles by “optimizing” their Hamburger Helper products. Specifically, they are minimizing the number of pasta shapes. I know I have expressed in the past my distaste in these particular foodstuffs, and the fact it still sells billions sickens me. “You are killing yourselves and your kids” might not be a strong enough argument. In this day and age of watching your budget, I am trying another approach: the actual frugality of the ghastly boxes of salty doom. Check out my math (all prices from Albertson’s online as I write this):
Box of Hamburger Helper = $2.99
1 pound of ground beef, being conservative = 2.99
2 cups of milk = 1 gallon/8 = 3.99/8 = .50
Total cost = $6.48/2 servings = $3.24 per person
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Now compare this to something way more tasty, way more convenient, and with probably a lot less sodium and fat:
Stouffer’s Frozen Lasagna with Meat Sauce family size = $8.99/3 servings = $2.99 per person
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You may wonder why those serving numbers don’t match the boxes. Well, if those boxes had asses, you know they would be flat-out lying out of them. In the history of Hamburger Helper, a box has never been split between more than two hungry people over the age of four. Also, Stouffer’s goes down pretty easy - especially if it has had time to coagulate in the refrigerator, then brough to luke-warm before devouring. In conclusion, I’m pretty sure if the apocalypse does come, it will commence with a Hamburger Helper Beef Stroganoff hailstorm.
