Blog of Fire!
Thraxxus’ post about how we at BB can brag about 20 visitors was an eye-opener. All this time I thought I had extolled the cheesy virtues of Streets of Fire to everyone I know - a whopping six people. I figured I had therefore covered everyone that read BB, but alas - I was wrong! Therefore, here is my top 11 reasons to check out Streets of Fire on Netflix right effing now. Move it up that long-ass list of critically acclaimed Kurasawa movies for which you are never in the mood. Prioritize it above those crap romantic comedies that you are saving for when/if you ever really need to get laid. Here’s why:
11. Rick Moranis as Seymore crossed with Scott Boras, in possibly the ugliest tweed suit this side of Darwood’s boss on Bewitched.
10. Amy Madigan: tough-talking, “I had a boyfriend, I swear! But you ain’t my type” quasi-lesbo
9. Goofy Bill Paxton, looking all of 17 years-old, getting his ass whupped by the aforementioned quasi-lesbo.
8. Forget how Michael Pare has become a total tool for Uwe Boll. Remember the better times, when he made Ahnuld and Sly look like Laurence Olivier in comparison. No, wait - forget that. Mike is really convincing as a burn-out soldier in Streets of Fire.
7. When Willem DaFoe, actually understated for once as the baddie, only makes #6 you know you have a cult classic on your hands.
6. Remember the olden times, when you could say “shit” in a PG movie? Welcome to now, where you can’t swear but you can show nude autopsies on network television. Believe me, the first thing I’d say if I discovered some poor corpse with half his head cleaved off and his organs strewn up on the nearest tree like a high-school prank gone horribly, horribly wrong? “Shit.”
5. Walter Hill - go-to guy when you want to make character-driven action movies back in the day. Witness the end of Streets of Fire - no closure whatsoever. Hill bows to no studio! The Warriors, 48 Hours, Hard Times, The Driver - director and writer. He drank your milkshake, Paul Thomas Anderson, you snobby punk.
4. Cost only $14.5 million to make, which wouldn’t even cover Shia LeBozo’s personal trailer on Transformers.
3. Ry Cooder scored the soundtrack. Merely one of the greatest musicians of all-time.
2. Did I mention Streets of Fire is some kind of rock opera? Sorry. The showcase songs where written by Jim Steinman, the cheesehead behind Meatloaf’s improbable early success with “Bat Out of Hell” and the sequel. We need less musicals, more rock-operas.
1. Diane Lane, rock-star. Sure, she can’t lip-synch very well. Also, she’s actually gotten hotter over the years, which goes against God’s will - and everything Maxim is teaching horny teens. Like most actresses, she’s actually increased her skill since this (although except for Unfaithful) her movies are subpar). Regardless, it’s Diane Lane…singing bombastic rock…awesome!
