BB Reads the Business Rags (So You Don’t Have To)
Readers: I am attempting an ongoing feature where I summarize and comment on articles in the business magazines I read regularly. Let’s just say the gym cross-trainers are not exactly amusement park rides. Also, ever since I worked at my first startup, the world of business has fascinated me - to a point. For example, I mentioned recently how the bonds, mutual funds, and the like bore the holy hell out of me. I consider it them a major component of the dark arts known as “making money with money without actually doing anything”. Where’s the fun in that? So, without further adieu:
Fortune - July 7, 2008:
Face-Off on the Economy
The whole issue is themed around Obama versus McCain, and how they will “fix the economy”. Good luck with that. Anywhoo, they lay out questions for both candidates, and one really stood out:
Fortune: What do you see as the gravest long-term threat to the U.S. economy?
Obama: blah blah blah…energy policy…demand outstripping supply…federal government takes charge…blahblah.
McCain: “…the struggle we have against Islamic extremism, which can affect, if they prevail, our very existence”
That’s right - someone in America still thinks all our problems are caused by people dwelling in caves a thousands miles away. Not only that, but this person will have complete control of our military - including “the button”. Yes, “the button” still exists. You may not think so, but I can guarantee you its still sitting there, neglected and caked with dust. Maybe its with the tattered remains of our Constitution, I don’t know. What I do know is that is a strong statement to make to a business magazine. Imagine Martha Stewart bringing you a cake she baked that came out flat as hell. She asks you what you think happened to the cake. You point to Bin Laden on TV and say “That bastard right there“.
The Great Airport Security Race
Did you know there is a company that can prioritize you through security lines in many airports? My irritated friends, Clear is there for you, and has been for three years (according to their website). According to the article, you pay $128 a year and Clear will background check, fingerprint, and scan your eyeballs. Fortune did some testing, and actually came to the conclusion that Clear did save on average of 9.25 minutes per airport. Also, their trips seemed to be a bit less stressful. For someone (not myself) who flies regularly to specific places, this seems like a good investment. However, Clear currently only operates in 16 airports nationwide. Ah, another company making a killing off the country’s terrorist “threat” - how heartwarming. I’m curious to see who has equity in this budding industry.
BusinessWeek - July 7, 2008:
Doctors Under the Influence
There is a chance that your doctor thinks you are a dumbass. This accompanies his or her regular assumptions of hypochondria whenever you complain about a health concern that’s not visually hemorrhaging blood. Seriously, this article talks about doctors who are actually sponsored by pharmaceutical companies. Your doctor, who just prescribed you VioxxMidolViagrocotin, could have just come back from lunch on that company’s tab. Conflict of interest much? As alarming as that is, here’s the clincher - many industry professionals do not think your doctor should tell you. Hell, even the TV tells me when “American Idol” is sponsored by the latest pile of crap Ford is trying to shovel us. How could they possibly justify this point-of-view?
“The more information that’s out there, the more difficult it will be for patients to process.”
Furthermore, doctors receive grants from pharmaceutical companies to study their drugs. They follow up by writing professional studies about their findings, and often do not include a disclosure. How much do you bet that only positive propaganda gets published? Matter-of-fact, it seems that meaningful disclosure is the exception, and not the norm, when it comes to pharmaceutical companies’ “investments”. Finally, this sad article about a Pfizer case where a 12-year old girl commits suicide after her doctor prescribes Zoloft. Guess who’s doctor was getting paid to promote Zoloft?
Reading about the Pharmaceutical industry is generally depressing, and I usually avoid it. The companies just want to make money, and if it was up to them you’d be taking their drugs for the rest of your life. Curing is not a good investment. Plus, they have these weird product cycles, where companies are extremely flush with cash one quarter, then struggling to break even the next. Throw in the FDA, and you have corruption potential second only to the industrial military complex or a local beauty pageant. They’d probably be the de facto “black sheep” of the business world if not for Big Tobacco. Even business magazines seem to be wary of it. The article seems to be a bit biased against, and readers even complained in the next issue about the “tone”.
On a funnier note, this issue is where I first learned about Kentucky Fried Chicken now offering a meat-free alternative. OK, it is only in Canada - for now. Resist, KFC - don’t you realize if this type of mindset starts running wild, the terrorists win!
A Bit on Budgets
All this recent talk about budgets, balancing them, corruption, money loss, bankruptcy and debt induced suicide got me to thinking about budgets in general. Recently, as in today, I was chatting via Google Chat with my niece regarding her seemingly endless debt when I brought up the notion of making a budget. Turns out she listened to me a few weeks ago when I suggested it then, but struggled to make a meaningful one that would truly assist her in planning her financial future. Consequently, I offered my assistance in the matter and have subsequently built a simple worksheet using Google’s online share-able spreadsheet system(no this is not a Google Focussed Blog-Ad, although if Google wants to pay me to write one we here at BlinkinBlogs can surely use the cash).
While working on said spreadsheet a few things occurred to me:
- If most people that I know have a difficult time making a simple budget then how in the hell are governments doing so?
- Given number 1, how the hell do governments deal in the vast amounts of cash and expenditures that they need to track?!?
- How are audits done on Governments that act as umbrellas for collections of smaller Governments that in turn house even smaller Governments?!?!?!? (country->state->city)
- Why am I working on my niece’s budget when she is nowhere to be found!!??!
- How the hell did I expect a 19 year old to give even the slightest bit of what might look like interest in her own financial future beyond “I need some more money Uncs!”!?!?
Anyway, in all seriousness, GlazedNConfused and I have been talking about budgets recently and how they, and those that write, manage, and especially audit them, have lead not only local and state governments to the brink of disaster but also The Country as well. In doing so we neglected to touch on the idea of just HOW these people create and balance the budget. Instead of explaining it in the rather ridiculous fashion I had planned, utilizing primarily images of hand puppets and those little gold colored-alluminum covered chocolate coins, I will direct your attention to this fellow.
Good luck understanding it. If you can, perhaps you should try to get a job helping out those other folks that work for the government - they seem to have a rather difficult time getting it done.
California in Peril - Continued
As Thraxxus mentioned just previously, yes my wonderful Golden State is having issues. Big-time cash flow issues, mostly caused by the current real-estate crisis, and its effect on tax revenue. The perilous drop in housing prices means less property taxes. Also, the drought didn’t help either. Vallejo was kicking around the bankruptcy escape clause, probably as some kind of cry for help. No, not Vallejo! Puhleaze.
As a result, California and our glorious leader, Heir Schwarzenegger, seem to be a bit bond-crazy. Admittedly, the word “bond” makes my eyes gloss over like Tori Spelling evaluating her credit card statement. Here is a good Q&A about state-issued bonds that you may find interesting - or not. Guess which side of the fence I’m on? So Cali is borrowing a buttload of money. Man, I’ve been there before.
However, I do know this - there is no way the 35th largest economy in the world is going bankrupt. Are we paying our government employees way too much? Oh yeah. Here is a great article in The SF Chronicle a while back (link) about cops pulling down obscene salaries because of overtime; some low-level policemen were making more than the mayor! The article is a good summary of the fiscally irresponsible carnage happening on CA city and state payrolls. This type of corruption goes on everywhere - need I even mention Chicago? Boston?
Furthermore, California is not the only state with a budget crisis. Nevada, Pennsylvania…hell, Michigan is practically a demilitarized zone as we speak. So does that make me feel better? Heck yeah. They don’t have awesome beaches! In Reno, are you an hour from the mountains, ocean, or desert? Why go to a more financially stable state when you can hang out in California, the fun-loving, freewheeling, suntan state? Also, the people are a lot prettier. If I’m going to drive on potholed roads on the way to my disappearing job, I might as well have a nice view.
In all seriousness, the economy is cyclical. This is how it worked, works, and will work. Could I buy a house somewhere else? Make a little less money with a lot lower cost of living? Maybe. Did I mention I live in California?
A Bit on Corruption
I have never hidden the fact that I am originally from California, in fact I will even share with you that I am from a small town of 300 thousand people called Escondido. My father still lives in the house in which I was raised and constantly feeds me information regarding my home state. I refer to California as my home state as that is where I am from, not where I live; I now reside in Kansas.
Back to my father. Let me begin by saying that my father is a leary fellow, constantly looking out for what could possibly crush his world next. If you knew him, you’d know that is basically justified given how many times he has almost been killed, lost everything, and ended up in jail/prison. Needless to say the man has lead a colorful life. Today my father called me to talk shop - the following is a snippet of that conversation.
Dad: Hey are you busy?
Thraxxus: Sick as hell at home, but hey I am good. Whats up?
Dad: Oh that sucks. You sound terrible.
Thraxxus: yeah not feelin..
Dad: I called to give you an update on California.
Thraxxus: Oh yeah? whats the dealio?
Dad: Schwartzenegger is apparently trying to get a loan from the California State Lottery as well as the Federal Government. I don’t think you should come visit me this year. Supposedly the state is finished in September!
Let me stop here. My father then goes on to paint a rather bleak picture of the state of things in California. For instance in San Diego County there are supposedly over 100k MEN out of work! Furthermore, given that Cali brought down the law hard on illegal immigrants working, a huge percentage of the Mexican workers have left the state, thus my father says that it feels sort of empty. Apparently the rate of Bank Robberies has skyrocketed there as well. The thing that gets me here is that if what my father says is correct, which I don’t doubt, then there is a larger problem there:
- California is in debt to such a degree that they are talking about bankruptcy.
- If they declare bankruptcy then who pays the government employees there?
- If nobody plays the government employees then who works the base infrastructure like Police, Fire etc?
- If the state is broke, how can it afford to take a loan from anyone? The logical aspect being it spends more than it makes right? If I did that I know I couldn’t get a loan, how can a state?
- When the previous governor was in power the state “misplaced” 9 billion dollars. True story. Look it up. Public record and what not. Where did it go? And furthermore, how is it that nobody was investigated nor was anyone brought up on charges?
Remember my pieces on Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac? Now consider this California bit. Someone tell me how is it that people are finding their ways into public oriented positions, seemlingly stealing billions of dollars, and then disappearing without so much as an investigation? Someone once said “Things will get worse before they get better.” Remember that in the coming years.
Another Classic Daily Show Clip
We all know the funniest show on TV is the Daily Show - it is not even close. Nevertheless, I dare submit possibly the funniest segment ever. Yes, even funnier than anything Lewis Black has yelled.
Randy Pausch - RIP
Randy, in my opinion, was the definition of inspirational stories. If you do not know his story read about it here. The Lecture he did, titled at one point “The Last Lecture” is below. Do yourself a favor and watch it. Get something to drink, settle back, and watch it.
Politics + Batman = Great Quote
I have yet to see the new Batman movie, because my policy is always wait at least a week after opening. Also, I usually go to the earliest showing possible. Anywhoo, there is all this talk about how it parallels modern times with political themes, but I can’t comment on that - yet. However, I read a great quote in the latest EW:
“Superman is how America views itself. Batman is how the rest of the world views America.” - Michael Caine
The Hollywood Legion of Doom - Part 2 of 2
Sorry folks for the delay. Click here for Part 1 of this glorious series.
7. Michael Bay
Crimes against humanity:
Attempted to give millions diabetes with the animal cracker scene in Armageddon
WMDs:
Every movie he has ever directed, with possible exception of Transformers
Humanitarian efforts:
He allowed Steven Spielberg to produce Transformers (as opposed to Bruckheimer), resulting in a decent movie for once
The Rock was not too bad, despite being an action movie with Nicholas Cage
Dossier:
Bay is unable to hold a shot for more than two seconds - witness his “masterpiece” Armageddon. Therefore, he tends to make video games, not movies. He consistently confuses “plot” and “script” with “explosions”. His movies are always, without exception, at least a half hour too long. The only thing worst than a bad movie is a long bad movie. Bay is widely considered the biggest douchebag in Hollywood, and despised by anyone who likes a modicum of subtlety and nuance in their entertainment. Summary: Bruce Willis said he’d rather “eat a live baby in front of his grandma” than have Bay direct a Die Hard movie. Or something to that effect.
8. Paul W.S. Anderson(?)
Crimes against humanity:
Responsible for the Resident Evils, one of the worst trilogies of all time (directing only the original)
It my be a tad early, but I will go out on a limb and place the gawddawful Death Race “re-imagining” here - the preview is a car-wreck (pun intended)
WMDs:
Just about his entire resume - production, directing, writing - he probably sneezes like a fuckup, too
Humanitarian efforts:
The first Mortal Kombat was a decent adaptation
Casting his fiance Milla Jovovich, to the adoration of fangeeks and human males everywhere
Dossier:
Commonly confused with Paul Thomas Anderson, who will never be on this list. Shoved the Resident Evil trilogy down our throats, only the first of which was any good. When Mortal Kombat (as low-budge rainy Saturday afternoon cheesefest) is the highlight of your 20-year career you may want to reevaluate.
9. Uwe Boll
Crimes against humanity:
Tara Reid, scientist, is a good place to start - but where to end?
WMDs:
Every single movie he’s ever ever made - that’s right, he is the only person on this list not to have even a C- movie
Humanitarian efforts:
The early preview of Postal - two terrorists discussing how many virgins they were going to get when they died - is seriously subversive and funny (too early? maybe)
His call to critics to fight him in the ring was a fun idea (Raging Boll - check out his wiki)
Dossier:
Uwe is currently the worst director in Hollywood, and the contest is probably not even close. Reviled by the internet community, although somewhat more “love-hated” than “King Tampon” Michael Bay. He basically funds his movies with a German tax scheme that launders money through the government. This is not an internet rumor, this is confirmed. Because of this, and the fact Boll is probably unstable, his movies must contain only three features: a bizarro awesome cast, a beginning, and an end. Not surprisingly, he doesn’t seem to be concerned with actually attracting an audience. How else can you explain his obsession with the “R” rating? These video game adaptations call out to the teenage audience, yet he has no interest in them (nude Kirstianna Loken notwithstanding). Sometimes described as the “modern Ed Wood”, although he doesn’t seem to really care about the industry or the “art of filmmaking”. According to IMDB, Boll currently has four movies in post-production, and three movies in production. How in the hell can any single person be making critical decisions on seven movies at one time?! Welcome to the world of Uwe Boll. The above picture says it all.
10. George Lucas
Crimes against humanity:
Three words - Han shot first
Jar Jar Bink’s existence
As a casting choice, Hayden Christensen as Darth Vader ranks right up there with Mickey Rooney as an oriental
This list could go on - his crime against humanity to creativity ratio is very high
WMDs:
100% responsible for the worst trilogy of all time
100% responsible for going back and noodling with the greatest trilogy of all time
The plot of the Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - what the hell was he thinking?
Humanitarian efforts:
The Original Trilogy, unnoodled
American Graffitti - are we sure he was responsible?
Dossier:
Lucas somehow possesses a god complex, although his best movie was helmed by somebody else, with a screenplay by someone else. Sometime after American Graffiti, he completely lost the ability to actually direct actors, reducing near-thespians like Samuel Jackson and Natalie Portman to talking corpses. A bad, bad scriptwriter - only he would give himself the job at this point (”Noooooooooooo!“). Easy to find, usually on top of Scrooge McDuck piles of cash, playing with his action figures and signing off on licensing deals.
11. Nicolas Cage
Crimes against humanity:
The Wicker Man - absolutely stunningly awful in every way (”No, not bees!!”)
WMDs:
Castrated himself for the National Treasure movies
Ghost Rider, one of the most bizarre performances of an actor in a major studio release in recent memory
Gone in Sixty Seconds - I can not stress enough the lameness of this movie and every performance therein
Humanitarian efforts:
Leaving Las Vegas, unless the rumor that his oscar-winning performance was him actually drunk is confirmed
Adaptation - his last role where is not in either “Nicholas Cage, madman” mode or “Nicholas Cage, understated weirdo” mode
Indirectly responsible for the hilarious Wicker Man compilations on YouTube
Dossier:
Nic tends to cash paychecks faster and more often than Rush Limbaugh. Subsequently, it would be easier finding Osama Bin Laden than scripts that Cage has turned down. His next winner, Bangkok Dangerous, is two letter changes from being a porno about Lexington Steele and a couple of (barely) willing orifices. Oh, and the trailer look hilariously bad. Cage is attracted to gawddawful blockbusters like Brangelina to foreign babies.
12. Mark Steven Johnson
Crimes against humanity:
Daredevil, especially Ben Affleck
WMDs:
Ghost Rider
Casting the female Ben Affleck as Eletra, then spinning it off into a awful movie
Responsible for every single aspect of Simon Birch
Humanitarian efforts:
Besides Affleck and Garner, the casting could have been worse in Daredevil
Grumpy Old Men possessed an almost perceptible essence of humor
Dossier:
Responsible for the “Holy Trinity” of butchered comic book adaptations, which basically prompted Marvel to create their own movie studio (with awesome results - thanks Mark!). He’s a historically bad writer: Big Bully, Jack Frost, and Grumpier Old Men are just a few of his gems. On a personal note, Daredevil was my favorite comic book character growing up, and I will go to my grave never knowingly giving this bozo a dime of my money.
13. Brett Ratner
Crimes against humanity:
Handed the keys to the X-Men franchise, and promptly drove it into a tree. He will never be forgiven. Ever.
WMDs:
Rush Hour 3 - when by far the funniest part is Jackie Chan reading porno titles in the credits, that’s a bad sign
Red Dragon - “The Killer of Franchises” strikes again by somehow turning Hannibal Lector into a cartoon character
Humanitarian efforts:
After the Sunset could have been worse.
Dossier:
Ratner is probably hated by more fanboys than anyone in Hollywood - the vitriol is almost endless. “A Movie by Brett Ratner” strikes fear into more movie geeks than school bully flashbacks and gym class combined. Apparently the only man capable of coercing Chris Tucker into working for a living - a pro or con, depending on your view of Tucker. Brett was originally pegged to direct Superman Returns, which would’ve probably resulted in at least one assassination attempt by deranged fanboys. Here, the L.A. Times elaborates why the web hates Brett Ratner.
GlazedNConfused and Thraxxus discuss LockSport
GlazedNConfused: LockSport? hmmmm
Thraxxus: locksport…
Thraxxus: seriously.. THAT IS NOT A SPORT
Thraxxus: I am gonna go to the bathroom and do some jerksport
GlazedNConfused: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
GlazedNConfused: handsport
Thraxxus: knucklesport
Thraxxus: squirtsport
Thraxxus: “This week on SquirtSport! Thraxxus, 5 time SquirtSport Champion, will be defending his crown from Glazed”7 Squirts of Danger” Confused.”
Thraxxus: “We have Glazed here. Glazed how do you prepare yourself for a SquirtSport Match?”
Thraxxus: Michael Buffer does the announcement “LEEEEEETS GET REEEEEADY TO SQUUUIIIIIIRT!”
Thraxxus: sorta fitting really
GlazedNConfused: knucklesport…that is classic
GlazedNConfused: “Peter North got nothin’ on me”
Thraxxus: know what I mean though, everything is a goddamned sport now
GlazedNConfused: yeah I think the definition of “sport” has completely gotten out of hand
Thraxxus: its like everyone who is incapable of real sport makes everything else into a sport
Thraxxus: Straw Bending!
GlazedNConfused: haha “sport envy”!
More on Mae and Mac
I wrote a piece a few days back on Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac that spoke a bit to the idea of how business and state are mixing. Well to up that this happened. I suggest you read it. According to National Public Radio news this morning this basically means that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are going to be bailed out by your tax dollars. Let’s do the math.
- Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are two lending companies, both have strong political ties to our government.
- Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac hold together over 5 Trillion dollars in Mortgages.
- During the housing bubble both of these companies funded thousands of borderline frivolous mortgages - leading to massive foreclosures - supposedly 1.5 million of them.
- Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac give out record bonuses to their executives.
- You, the tax payer, are now having your tax dollars rerouted to support these two companies who have been identified as being frivolous in nature. In other words your tax dollars, which could be going to say educating your kids or just maybe to help some of our soldiers abroad not DIE, is being used to prop up two mega giant corporations who were run quite closely into the ground.
- Is anyone being brought up on charges? You’d think the United States of America having to bail out two major corporations from potential bankruptcy would bring about some form of inquiry. You’d think that someone just might be investigated and just maybe someone might be brought up on charges- maybe someone who received in the hundreds of millions of dollars in bonuses. JUST MAYBE.
Nope.